Snippets about: Social Skills
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The Relationship Map
To assess your current relationships, create a relationship map by following these steps:
List your core relationships (usually 10-15)
For each relationship, assess:
- Is it supportive, ambivalent, or demeaning?
Is the interaction frequent or infrequent?
Plot them on a 2×2 grid with Relationship Health on the x-axis and Frequency on the y-axis
Review the four zones: Green Zone (supportive and frequent), Opportunity Zone (supportive but infrequent), Danger Zone (ambivalent and frequent), and Red Zone (demeaning and frequent)
This visual map helps you prioritize healthy relationships and manage or remove toxic ones.
Section: 2, Chapter: 15
Book: The 5 Types of Wealth
Author: Sahil Bloom
A Light Touch Can Be A Powerful Influencer
Numerous studies demonstrate the unconscious power of touch to shape behavior and perceptions. For example:
- Waiters who lightly touched customers on the arm or shoulder as they returned change received significantly higher tips than those who avoided contact.
- People were twice as likely to sign a petition or fill out a survey if the requester quickly touched their arm.
- Basketball teams whose players touched each other more (high fives, fist bumps, hugs, etc.) had higher performance, controlling for individual talent.
Section: 2, Chapter: 5
Book: Subliminal
Author: Leonard Mlodinow
The Best Way to Get the Truth? Build Rapport
Rather than becoming a walking polygraph, focus on creating an environment conducive to honest communication. When people feel at ease, they're more likely to open up and reveal critical information - even if it's unflattering or incriminating. To encourage truthfulness:
- Make the person feel heard and respected
- Ask open-ended questions that invite explanation
- Avoid accusations or interrogation tactics that put them on the defensive
- Mirror their positive body language to build "liking"
- Paraphrase their statements to show you're listening
Give them space to clarify or correct your understanding The more comfortable a person feels with you, the less they'll feel the need to deceive or omit. Building rapport is the surest way to reach the truth, even if it takes time.
Section: 1, Chapter: 8
Book: What Every Body is Saying
Author: Joe Navarro
Building A Curiosity Circle
To create your own thriving community centered around genuine connection and learning, follow these principles for building a "curiosity circle":
1. Start scrappy : Begin with the smallest possible version using available resources. When meditation practitioner Ankit Shah wanted to connect with others, he simply invited a few people to his living room with cushions and candles rather than building a formal organization.
2. Be up front : Acknowledge the experimental nature of your community. Research shows deeper relationships form through vulnerability. When Lukas Rosenstock hosted his first after-work gathering, he openly mentioned "I got the idea from a book and it's an experiment," encouraging others to be equally open.
3. Don't overthink it : Take action rather than getting stuck in planning. When Carl Martin wanted to connect with other fathers in his new town, he posted a simple notice: "Men of Folkestone, how would you like a space to meet other lads and dads?" Over twenty people attended the first meetup, which has now grown to over a hundred members.
4. Make it cozy : Foster psychological safety where members feel they can speak without judgment. Provide signposts about what to expect, potential conversation topics, and available facilities to create ambient belonging.
5. Don't hold the reins too tight : Allow for distributed leadership where responsibilities are shared. Community builder Rosie Sherry advises: "It's our responsibility to lift members up and show people they have good ideas." Encourage autonomy and leave space for unplanned activities and connections to emerge.
Section: 4, Chapter: 10
Book: Tiny Experiments
Author: Anne-Laure Le Cunff
The Three Pillars of Social Wealth
Social Wealth is built across three core pillars:
1. Depth : Connection to a small circle with deep, meaningful bonds - your "Front-Row People." Built through honesty (sharing inner truth), support (sitting in darkness during struggles), and shared experiences.
2. Breadth : Connection to a larger circle for support and belonging beyond yourself - through community, faith, or broader networks.
3. Earned Status : The lasting respect and admiration from peers based on what you've earned, not what you've bought. This comes through hard-won treasures like freedom of time, loving relationships, purpose-driven work, and wisdom.
Section: 2, Chapter: 14
Book: The 5 Types of Wealth
Author: Sahil Bloom
The Three Community Effects
Communities offer three powerful effects that make them uniquely valuable beyond their members' status or influence:
1. The Pooling Effect : Communities give you access to collective knowledge, skills, and resources far exceeding your own. Through what psychologists call "transactive memory," you develop understanding of who knows what, leveraging group expertise to progress more efficiently. This allows you to focus on your strengths while others fill knowledge gaps.
2. The Ripple Effect : Communities create unexpected opportunities beyond your initial goals. You might join for specific benefits but discover connections that open entirely new paths. A writer might meet a developer and start a profitable startup; a student might connect with an industry veteran who becomes their mentor. These interactions are especially likely in "communities of practice"—groups genuinely committed to learning from each other about shared interests.
3. The Safety Effect : Communities provide critical support during difficulties. Members can connect you with job opportunities after a layoff, offer advisor referrals for legal issues, or provide financial help during emergencies. Beyond practical assistance, communities offer emotional support that helps you stay resilient when facing personal or professional challenges.
Section: 4, Chapter: 10
Book: Tiny Experiments
Author: Anne-Laure Le Cunff
The Power Of Social Flow
While we're familiar with the concept of flow states—those moments of complete focus and engagement—most attention has centered on solitary activities. Yet research reveals a surprising truth: flow states happen more easily in group activities than individual ones.
Studies show chamber musicians report being "in the zone" more frequently during small group performances than solo practice. Athletes in team sports like rowing and football experience personal flow more readily during collaborative play. Beyond increased focus, the shared experience makes the state more pleasurable.
This "social flow" explains why influential artists, philosophers, and scientists throughout history participated in vibrant "scenes" where ideas were exchanged. Impressionist painters gathered in Paris cafés to discuss artistic techniques. Vienna's salons gave Freud insights that shaped psychoanalysis. The Algonquin Round Table in New York brought together writers whose exchanges influenced American literature. The Bloomsbury Group in London connected Virginia Woolf with peers like John Maynard Keynes and E.M. Forster.
When surrounded by people who encourage experimentation and growth, you unlock creative territories inaccessible alone. Your ideas become woven into narratives others want to join, enhancing both the journey and destination.
Section: 4, Chapter: 10
Book: Tiny Experiments
Author: Anne-Laure Le Cunff
"Ask For A Favor And They'll Like You More"
The Ben Franklin effect shows that asking weak ties for a favor makes them more likely to help you again in the future. When Franklin wanted to win over a rival legislator, rather than doing a favor for the man, Franklin asked to borrow a rare book from him. The rival was flattered and afterwards, was much more friendly and willing to help Franklin.
So don't just do favors for weak ties, ask them for favors too. People like to feel helpful, as long as the request isn't a burden. Make it specific, concrete and relevant to their interests.
Section: 1, Chapter: 2
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